i lead my life just the way it is.
i'm happy with my life.sometimes, sad.
i have loved the  ppl surrounding me.but at times, hate.
so this is the question that i have been asking myself.

have i given enough respect as a daughter?

have i done my role as a sister?

have i done my role as a friend?

am i ever good enough as a lover?

have i taken care of myself as myself?

no.

shhuuush!okay,i'm crapping.
yesterday night,i did some research as usual.
and i was doing a research on LEE PACE,my favourite hunk on TV.X)
after that,i broke down into tears.he's beautiful,he's cute,he's sweet and he has the baby face of all...but..he's GAY!i cant believe it!FUCK!!!!and guess what, he's BLISSFULLY ATTACHED with JASON MOORE
that upsets me.at first i thought it was just a rumour but then...BUT STILL I HOPE ITS RUMOUR! 

gosh.let me just ask you guys one question.
why am i always falling for hot hunks on TV which were 100% openly GAY?
And seriously why does it always happen to me?shiat!

dont worry!still have hopes that its just rumour!

well,one week of school holiday.=(sucks.

*oh i wish i could just stand  on the uphill of kent ridge park and watch the sunset.as it turns night, i will enjoy the watch of singapore city.alone could do.but its dangerous..anyone?

adios.

p.s don't worry i'll be putting back my pierce peeps!

finally in 10 mins its monday.and i'll be getting my 40 bucks from my mum.
gosh..its not ennuff though.shit.i ordered some stuffs from avon..(mummy pls pay for me..XD)
and need to get something for myself too which i just cant decide what.tomorrow's fasting!.omg.

i'm running from the truth.

i'm weak.

i hate what i did.but i knw what i do.

why am i restless?

am i waiting for ur answers?

do you hate me when i say that?

i had a beautiful day yesterday with grandma, both my auntie and my family.=)

we went to chevron as usual.sing till we die?yeah!haha...
grandma sang alot!woow!i sang too!well everyone sang!
after 3h of karaoke,we had dinner at beach road!soup tulang,mutton chop plus oreo milkshake?how bout that?LOL!so we thought we would be going home after that until my grandma told paman that she wanted to pass by geylang to watch the colourful lights..and also she wanted to go Kent Ridge park.yeah,it wasnt wasted after all.omg!its beautiful!if you were to see it with your own eyes at Kent Ridge,damn you the singapore view waspretty!oh,i'm in love..but too bad,tkde bus yg masuk situ.soo only ppl with transport can go!chet!taxi?sudahlah,save it man!kau pergi tentu boleh sampai..tapi balik,taxi mane yg nk pergi kent ridge..kau pernah nampak?haha..kau call taxi pun diorang tk nk naik itu tempat lah..nanti diorang ingat leftenan mane yg talifon.haha..(tempat ini sungguh keras u!)but nothing will happen to you..dont worry..=)
just go up to that park and enjoy the scenery with ur family...hmmm..nice.=)

i'm bored.

what am i thinkin?i dont know.

am i playing around too much?maybe.but i think so too.

cut!!!

no! i'm not bored!!

everything is nearly settled! wether its a yes or no,i dont mind!=)

i'll just continue with what i'm doin!its fun actually!

haha!sounds stupid rite?

its my life man!dude!woman!girls!

hmms..more friends approaching me btw..

cool!stranger-friends!new friends!close friends!best friends!old friends!!friends!

i'm not an anti-socialised girl anymore okay!so mind u!hehe.

well just now met this one guy..he was staying in a hostel.blurrgghh.

he was far,and i cant see his face.janice needed something so we ask ppl one by one!so this guy  approached and  we ask.he dont have that thing at first but then,he has it.he's nice but..eewww..

okaylah tually..then,he ask my number.so i said "no.haha..occupied".he said,"ouh..okay..hey i have this present with a biscuit inside but its not nice.take it."

i took it and then i LOL.because,he havent opened the rapping paper yet to see what biscuit was inside but he told me its not nice??LOL!!then  he went back to hostel and i went off with janice and tnx to you janice for saying i'm a malay girl!bbbrrr!!roar!hahas..

so i met my former sch friends yaww!!!miss them to the core!!had soo much fun!at least we are more matured then before riteZ??too bad i aint have the pictures with me.but i have those picture above and below ryte?ok.mcm faham.

btw i miss my former school girls!!!good too meet ya guys!

nafisah!!!u rock my socks!!i miss u truckloads too yeah!

syafiq,SPEECHLESS!haha.

amirul,ur hot!!haha.

nini,henna,haziqah,sarhan,nad,
miss ya guys till the rain pours!!miss the times together in class!

i havent been schooling for 2 days.bored.have been studying at home though.=) tmr's teacher's day.hmmsss..nt sure to cme or nt to cme..ah!just dont think about it first lah..i miss my friends...so sad i cant follow mummy to HOM today.boring.

today,i had mrs heng's coach clinic.met ms shanti.then slack with y2k for 30 min.after that,i was at home all day long.its a bit peaceful today.but the sad thing is that i am super fcuking tired..studied maths for an hour and the rest of the day, lying on my bed.actually not the whole day really cause i went back approximately ard 5.20pm.so its like less than 3h(of lying on bed!) and now i'm on the computer.gagagigigugu!!i'm boreeeeeeeeedddd...

*i'm having migraines now!

*i'm fucked up now!

*but i kinda miss the Bernie Mac show..(uh..still cnt believe that he died on august 9..)

hey there..have been sneezing and coughing alot today!
maybe i just think too much..and today i wont think!urgghh..i'm thinkin again..
sometimes happy moments will appear..sometimes sad moments..
sometimes things which u dont want to appear will also appear..
songs that reminds me of you.
songs that reminds me of my old times with pals..
and roar family hasnt been meeting these week..
i'm quite sad..but they have their reasons and i understand.=)
have been hangin out with janice most of the time..study together,sharing life stories,creating unwanted problems..doing our usual stuffs too...thanks for being a friend..thanks for giving me hope.and u r always a part of me.i will never forget you bcos i have never had such a friend like you.u teach me something which i dont knw like chinese songs.haha=)

i want to make my decision now if its possible.
but i think this should be the easiest way.

start with Bismillah and whatever the answers that i get,Amin.

*psst.sleeping hunk!

when can i make my decision?

when will i confess in whatever that i have decided?

will my decision be right?

or is it gonna break me into pieces again?

can you wait for me?but will i wait for you?

why must i give in?and why cant you?

am i prepared for this?how bout you?

i have too many choices.and this is my secret.

i'm sorry.to keep you waiting.

i'm stupid.i felt like a bitch.to leave you anytime i want to.

i'm trembling.i'm scared.

but the thing is,i wanted you.

hey there..i had my common test today..and i thought today was a bad day!but it wasnt!someone sms me and i start to smile widely!i go crazy each time i gt i reply frm that prson!wooohhhooo!!i beeped you!and just beeped you before i go offline at msn 15 mins ago.today i'm abit angry on internet world!got agitated somehow.but forget it..kos these ppl sometimes doesnt wanna give others a chance anymore.maybe i'm not part of them anymore?its ok..i still have others who truly loves me no matter what i am.=)and gladly appreciate it!hmm..today i'll be havin nite study at my house with janice and tutor edwin.see you guys at nine!

ROARS!LET'S GO SWIMMING!ROAR family rocks!

to u:happy that you beep me.

to eu:i'll past that mtv clip to you either on friday or saturday.=)

to him:get lost!go and die!

probation sux!

whatever.so yesterday i followed my mum to her training at toa payoh hdb hub auditorium.after training while i was walking,suddenly a women approached me.she ask me about cpf stuffs.

her:what are you working as?how much is your income?

me: i'm not working..sorry but i have to go..

her:WAIT!then?

me:i'm a student.

her:ouh..so how old are you?

me:i'm only fourteen.hehe.

her:WHAT?omg!hahahahahaha!!!(luffin away)

me;gotta go!byebye.=)

her:haha.bye.sorry..

shit rite?haha.btw here are the pics of me with 3aRts.

do take a look.hehe.

my face was swollen on that day!my eyes!!!but just keep it to myself on whatever that happens.

to u;blanks*what's happening to the both of us?shall we continue?or shall it end?

to eu;tnx friend.

to him;i think ur getting hotter!urgghh..why?i think i love you also!

i kinda miss them.♥

girls!!shall we do a meet-up?spam my board!!

hey there.

today i'm very happy although i'm under probation!got a chance to meet Y.J,jian min and janice and Leslie!Y.J check out today so we send him home first then i go my grandma house for a while since Y.J and my grandma were neighbours and worse their house was just side by side!then we left together.had our lunch at mcdonalds and i  went back home straight while they went to play badminton at lake park or janice's house if i'm not wrong..they left something inside my bag!guess what?will you even start playing badminton if there is no shuttle corck?hahas..very funny larhs..

(while walking at overhead bridge)

leslie:eh,hows you and..

emma:shut up.=)

leslie:i thought that time you got tell me inside the bus...

emma:dont talk about it.(with a smile on my face=))

(inside the lift)

emma:eh this racing game is juice2 right??

leslie(playing his psp):yar..

Y.J:no larhs,lemon.

emma:wadeva!

(at mcdonalds)

emma:janice,why you show black face?why you sad?

janice:i hungry.

emma:but you eating what..

janice:but havent finish lehhs..if finish then i happy.

emma:ok deal.must smile after you finish you food.=)

a smiling face for everyone.=)

p.s hey,i dont wanna talk to you..

tomorrow's tuesday..

that's fast.and i'm grounded again with alot of stuffs.i cannot meet my friends which i dont understand why.uuh..i miss akltg..i feel that the journey was left undone.was it because of leroy going for reservice and we didnt complete our journey with him?man..i miss him..i miss candice..edwin..shaun..mrs alfred,mr ngiam.i still remember during the 5 weeks programme,every tuesday i get to meet mrs alfred and mr ngiam..time goes by so fast and it hurts to say goodbye to those yesterdays...i miss my journey through tanjong pagar and inside the mrt everyday..i never felt this way before..missing so much..is it because they understand me so much?and my maths,since edwin didnt teach me anymore,i have been practicing maths that edwin teached me.shaun,the report writing.i'll remember..

god...i'm in pain now..i can focus on my outcome now but..i miss this ppl..school's fine.home,as usual,always there will be ups and down..

now,ppl start to see me.my parents start to see me.they dont like it but its me.first they dont know me.and now they thought i've change just because they started seeing me.but i'm changing.no one can trust me..but i will just keep quiet and move on till i reach to the goal that i want.that's how i prove to ppl.i dont show off like i know betta..i'm not the yaya papaya kinda girl.i'm not the k.po kinda person.but if i'm k.po,then it means you still cant see me. 

byebye!=)

hey guys!i'm doing fine today!!

just abit upset is all.=)btw i'm going camping today..with 3arts..

so sad i cant slack with roar family..then somemore tomorrow they going to sentosa..i dunno wether i'm going or not..yesterday was an okay day..i went to janice house to make chocolate.=)

now is ard 1pm..i'll be going out soon at 3pm.so i have 2h..i dont have many friends in the past because i dont make frens..my past frens all make frens with me..its them,not me.hahas..memories..memories!=)now..i make frens!alot!i can talk more!=)i feel so happy everyday!but...nvm..

p.s *i am still mad at you but not but yes but not.hmmmsss..

its all about us..

today is my day..today is monday..today is my toughest day..today is janice toughest day..we tolerate all kinds of things that happen to us..all the memories that i cant stop thinkin most was me at akltg..the last day when i was there, all that i have left was just my smile.last time,when my teacher always punish me,i dont care..i go back complain..everyday in school talk cock sing song play mahjong.happy only..now,every single minute of my life,i suffer alot in order to survive to succeed and go on to another brand new day..my teacher show me faces when i came back,maths teacher scold janice on the first day.dNt teacher taught i and janice kena expansion from school.i cried when i step into the school.came as early as 6.45. 15 mins just after the school gate was opened.candice cant stop smsing hope smses.i still go on..i manage to do my school work.hand it up and go.i and my gd fren janice,went to ms shanti my counsellor's office.i hugged her..because i have succeed.we bought her some food when we came to her office..after that, i go meet roar brothers..only 2 of them..jian min,and fadil..jian min told me that his friends thought he go boys home.fadil,he went back to school,ppl find trouble,show faces..because they think he is too lousy..my chong,Y.J(i his gina you know!DIAO SI MI DIAO!=X),first day of school after 6 months from boys home,ppl want fight with him..waaaHH!!i heard these stories,for the MOMENT i heard,i cry!ppl think is we bad!tmr is my toughest day where i will go thru more thanb yesterday.but candice will come to my school during recess..

as you see..we can only be together as one for all,all for one,working as a team for 5weeks!if others,i can still see you for like the rest of my life working as a team together!or 3 years more!

you know how pain is it to be called student at risk?!

you knw how it feels when ppl say that WE NEVER CHANGE?

i bleed alot inside!

now,i'm love-sick..cry everyday because i feel empty!

14 brothers and sisters!

2 god parent who love us and trust us when by right,they know taking care of us heart to heart is very risky!

i miss our old home that we move out last wednesday 30th august.but i knw at least i left with a smile.

well,i gtg now..will just show some pics!=)

at keppel towers.

at closing ceremony.

the chill out at bugis..